Intellectual Discussions!

Girfriend and boyfriend on phone:

Boy: Hi, kaisi ho jaan?
Girl Theek hun.
Boy: Aaj kya khaya dinner mein?
Girl: Tumhe bas yehi batein karni aati hain, kya khaya, kuan sa serial dekha, kaun sa song suna....
Boy: Oh!! Ok Ok, ye batao ki how shuld RBI fight these inflationary trends with minimum intervention in the money markets?
Girl: hmmmm.... daal chawal khaye hain, dahi aur salad bhi tha....

The Good Old Days!

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.

"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!"

Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."

What's In a Name

Ek baar ek ladka barsaat ki raat mein ek aunty ko, jo bus stop pe khadi thi, ghar chorne chala gaya.

Ghar pahunh kar aunty ne ladke ka shukriya kiya aur boli: Beta raat bohut ho gai hai, tum yahin BITTU ke kamre me so jao!
Ladka bola: Nahin aunty mein yahin SOFA par so jaunga.
Agle din Subah ek bohut hi sundar, hot ladki chai le kar aai.
Ladka: Aap kaun ho.......??
Ladki: Me BITTU hun. Aap kaun.....??
Ladka: Main saala ullu ka pattha....

New Job

Bobby walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hmm?"

Bobby says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"

The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.

Monday evening arrives and Bobby comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"

Bobby looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, "You mean they'll PAY me too?"

Santa Banta

Teacher : Santa batao ‘M’ for kya hota hai?
Santa : Sir, Mother!
Teacher : Right! Aab batao W for kya hota hai?
Santa kuch sochne lagta hai
Teacher : Santa kya soch rahe ho?
Santa : Sir, mein yeh soch raha tha ki Maa ulti kaise ho gayi?

SardarJi

Ek sarder ne air-hostess se kaha, “Aapki shakal meri biwi
se bahut milti hai”.
Air-hostess ne ye sunte hi zordaar thappad uske muh pe mara…
Sardar foran bola : “Aadat bhi bahut milti hai”

SarDar Te Sardarni

Sardarni : Lo light chali gayi.
Sardar : Light chali gayi hai to fan chala do.
Sardarni :Lo fir se kar di na sardaro wali baat. Agar fan chalaunga to mombatti bujh nahi jayegi!

Santa Banta

Santa ne Banta se kaha,”Sabse bada challenge kya hai?”
Banta replied – Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.

A Diamond is Forever

A man walks into a jewelry store to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring.

Looking behind the glass case, he comes across an exquisite band with a handsome-sized rock in its center.

"Excuse me sir," the gentleman says to the salesman. "How much is this ring?"

"Ah, that's a beautiful piece," the salesman replies. "It goes for $10,000."

"My God!" the man exclaimed. "That's a lot of money!"

"Yes, but a diamond is forever."

"Perhaps," the gentleman replied, "but my marriage won't last that long!"

The Most Beautiful Woman!

A man decided to change his life and for a start he took up the easiest - drinking. He got so drunk with whisky and his breath had such a foul stench as if a whole herd of mammoths had spent the night in his mouth.

It felt good to be blind drunk, but the time came for him to go home and his wife was quite quick-tempered. She always knew when he was drunk even if he was three blocks away from their house and did not let him in. This is why the drunken man decided to use his cunning and break in the house.

He rang the bell for a long time and an angry voice hissed from within, "Who is it?"

The man leaned on the door and said tenderly, "I bring roses for the most beautiful woman in the world."

Upon hearing that his wife was so moved that decided to open the door. She opened it and took a close look at her husband. Imagine her surprise when she saw neither roses, nor hyacinths in his hands.

"Where are the roses for the most beautiful woman in the world, you bastard?" the woman roared.

The man slouched towards her and murmured, "And where is the most beautiful woman in the world?"

Fight Like a Man

Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.

The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.

They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."

Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.

The man replied, "Well, I was laying under the bed and she crawled over and said, 'Come out and fight like a man!'"

It Wasn't Me...

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Kumar became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a drop dead gorgeous young lady.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the lady suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Kumar, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"

Bewildered, Mr. Kumar was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I... I didn't pinch that girl."

"Of course you didn't," replied his wife, consolingly, "I did."

I'm The Boss!

The boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.

The next day, he brought a small sign that Read: "I'm the Boss !"

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

santa banta

banda sher hota hai office may

pita or beta

pati patni

facebook

PATNI NE KAR DI DI

PATNI NE KAR DI DI
PATI KI ESS BAAT PAR DHUNAI !
KI USNE
" PATI PARMESWAR" FILM Q NAHI DIKHAI....

Girl: I Like Ur ‘Teeth

Girl: I Like Ur ‘Teeth’.
Boy: Oh Really, Why?
Girl: ......Becoz Yellow Is My Favorite Color.
(_”)
<||
_/\ .. Hight of Insult

Ek din Sardar jungle

Ek din Sardar jungle se gujar raha tha
Chudail ne use roka aur kaha : Ho ho ho Ha ha ha…Mein Chudail hu.
Sardar : Menu pata hai…kyunki teri ek behen meri biwi hai!

Wife(sms): Hi baby..?

Wife(sms): Hi baby..?
Husband: Hiii honey.. ?(sending failed)
Wife: R u there???
Husband: Yes yes...im here...? (sending failed)
Wife: R u ignoring me?? ?
Husb: Honey im not..i m right here.. (sending failed) ?
Wife: Its over..dnt evr talk to me again! ?
Husb: Mar ja kameeni (message sent).?.
Aadmi galat nahi hota, haalaat galat hote hain.

Girl Fully Check Up By Doc

Girl check up ke liye gai, Doctor ki niyat khrab ho gai. 


Doctor ne uske kaprey utarwaye.


Girl:- kiss kyu le rhe ho? 
Doctor:Checkup ke liye


Girl:- Breast kyu daba rahe ho? 
Doctor:- Breast cancer check karne ke liye.


Doctor ne kaam lagana shuru kar diya.


Girl:- kya kar rahe ho? 
Doctor:- Aids checkup. 


Girl:- Check kya karna hai. AIDS ki to dawayi lene aayi thi mein.

Ijaajat hai

Suhagraat ko pati patni se bolta hai Ijaajat hai?


Bibi:- Hai ji. 


Pati poori raat kaam lagata hai. Bibi Bimar ho jati hai.


Pati bibi ko sasural chod kar wapas aane ke liye apni Saas se bolta hai- Ijaajat hai?


Ye baat sun kar patni chilla kar bolti hai- Maa Ijaajat mat dena, nahi to tumehari bhi Phaad daalega.

Pathan Wife April Fool

Pathan Biwi Se:“Aaj Hum Aage Se Sex Karega”

Wife Ye Sun Ke Khushi Se Salwar Utaar Ke Tangein Utha Ke Bed Pe Lait Gayi

Pathan:“April Fool, April Fool Banaya.“

Bra Pahan Ke Pati Se Boli.

Shadi Ke Kuch Din Baad Ek Din Patni Bazaar Jaane Ke Liye Tyar Ho Rahi Thi.
Bra Pahan Ke Pati Se Boli.
Patni: “Suniye, Ye Zara Piche Se Meri  Bra Ka Hook Laga Dijiye”
Pati Mood Mein Aate Hue Bola: “I Will Charge 4 Kisses”
Patni: “Rahne Do Ji, Main Pados Wale Sharma Ji Se Lagva Leti Hun, Wo Haath Dal Kar Set Bhi Kar Denge“

Doodh Pi Gayi Billi

Aadmi Thaka Haara Office Se Ghar Aaya, Andar Aate Hi Biwi  Boli.
Biwi: “Suno Ji, Aaj Billi Doodh Pee Gayi”
Aadmi Gusse Se Chilata Hua Bola
Aadmi: “Maine Tujhe Kitni Baar Samjhaya Hai Ki Nangi Hoke Mat Soya Kar, Aaj Billi Doodh Pee Gayi, Kal Bolegi Ke Kutta Meri Gand Maar Gaya“

Santa apni Biwi se-

Santa apni Biwi se-
Aaj tumhari choti behan ko apne ghar me dekh ke bahut khushi ho rahi hai..

Biwi- Hanji, Aapki khushi pajame me se dikh rahi hai

Wife Ne Ek Nayi Transparent Br@

Wife Ne Ek Nayi Transparent Br@ Khridi Aur Pahan Ke Apne Husband Ke

 Aage Khadi Ho Gayi Husband: 

�Janu, Issme To Tum Bahut Sexy Lag Rahi Ho

�Wife Sharmate Hue: 

�Pata Hai, Salesman Bhi Yehi Keh Raha Tha

Santa kee nai-nai shaadi hui thee

Santa kee nai-nai shaadi hui thee phir bhi use ghar jaane ki koi jaldi nahi hoti. Woh der tak office mein hee baitha rahta.
One day Boss asked – “wife se jhagda chal rahaa hai kya ?”
Santa replied – “no no sir … aisee koi baat nahi ! baat ye hai ki meri wife bhi job karti hai isliye hum dono mein jo bhi pahle ghar pahunchta hai, khana use hi banaanaa padta hai !”

Santa – “maine 2 shaadiyan kee lekin dono hi baar meri kismat footi nikli

Santa – “maine 2 shaadiyan kee lekin dono hi baar meri kismat footi nikli … ”
Banta – “woh kaise ?”
Santa – “pahli wali mujhe chhodkar chali gai aur doosri wali mujhe chhodkar jaana nahi chahti … !”

Santa kee Wife Romantic Mood mein thee

Santa kee Wife Romantic Mood mein thee. Woh poore Bed par baahen failaakar let gai aur arth bhari muskaan ke saath boli – “kuchh samjhe… ?”
Santa bola – “Samajh gaya … too aaj poore bed pe akeli sona chahti hai ……. hai na ?” – HAHAHA

Kitna Baybus Hai Insaan

Kitna Baybus Hai Insaan Qismat K Aagay
Her Sapna Toot Jata Hai Haqeqat K Aagay
Jis Ne Kabhi Jhukna Nahi Sekha Duniya Main
Wo Bhi Jhuk Jata Hai BEGUM K Aagay…

Wife: Shadi ke pehle

Wife: Shadi ke pehle to tum mujhe rof gift diya karte they,
ab kyun nahi dete?
Husband: Machhali pakdne ke baad bhi kya koi chara dalta hai!

Position of a husband

Position of a husband is just like a Split AC…
No matter how loud he is outdoor,
He is designed to remain silent indoor!

Husband: can u be the moon of my life?

Husband: can u be the moon of my life?
Wife: Awww Yes sweetheart..!
.
.
.
.
.
Husband: Great! then….
Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!!

Everyone Helps A Girl In Removing Her Dress During Before Sex.

Everyone Helps A Girl In Removing Her Dress During Before Sex.

But Never Helps Her In Putting Her Dress Back On, After Sex.

Moral: Once You Are Fucked, Nobody Helps You.

Pareshan Biwi For Sex

Pati Ke Sex Na Karne Ki Wajah Se Pareshani Biwi Ek Din Pati Se Chidd Ke Boli.
Biwi: “Maine Aaj Ek Magzine Mein Pada Hai Ke Ek Saand Saal Mein 300 Bar Sex Karta Hai, Lekin Tum Is Ka 10% Bhi Nahi Karte”
Pati Ne Pyar Ke Uske Gaal Pe Chunti Maarte Hue Kaha.
Pati: “Bilkul Sahi Hai, Par Ye Kahaan Likha Hai Ki Saand Ek Hi Cow Ke Saath 300 Bar Sex Karta Hai.“

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho?

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho? Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu. Wife: Kitni mari? Man: 3 male aur 2 female. Wife: Kaise malum? Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se...

Apni girlfriend Ke Sath Date Pe Ho,

Apni girlfriend Ke Sath Date Pe Ho,

Par Chahte Ho Ki Khaane Peene Mein Faltu Ka Kharcha Na Ho

To Us Se Puchho: Kya Khaayegi Moti?

Thodi Si Gaaliyan Milengi Par Kasam Se Paise Jaroor Bach Jayenge.

Ladka: Janeman iss dil mein aaja.

Ladka: Janeman iss dil mein aaja.

Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?

Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui...

Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui...

Biwi ghar main aayi...

ghar SWARG ban gaya...

aur main...SWARGWASI...

Shaadi main ek SMART ladka ladki se:

Shaadi main ek SMART ladka ladki se: aap dance karogi :)) . .

Ladki sharma k boli: "yes ..." . . . .

Ladka pyar se bola: . . . . To phir aapki "kursi" main le jaon behenji ..??

Husband Or Wife Me Jhagra Ho Gaya

Husband Or Wife Me Jhagra Ho Gaya To Wife Ne Apni Maa Ko Fone Kiya:

Ammi Mera Unse Jaghra Ho Gaya He Me 3, 4 Maah K Liye Aap K Ghar Aa Rahi Hun

Maa Boli: Usey Apne Kiye Ki Saza Puri Puri Milni Chahiye
Tum Wahin Raho 3, 4 Mahine K Liye Me Aa Rahi Hon...

"CHAPPAL" Choti Ho Jai "PAOWN" Mai Nhi Ati.

"CHAPPAL" Choti Ho Jai "PAOWN" Mai Nhi Ati.

Wah Wa Wa

"CHAPPAL" Choti Ho Jai "PAOWN" Mai Nai Ati.


B.V "MOTI" Ho Jai
"BAAHON" Mai Nai Ati.. ;->
Wah Wah Wah...

Wife Shoping Kr K Wapis Ayi

Wife Shoping Kr K Wapis Ayi To Husbnd Wife Se Saman Laite Hoye Bola:zaror Tm Mere Khane K Lye Kch Lai Hogi?

Wife: Bilkul Thek Kaha Isme Mere New Sandel Hen ;->

Class 2 Ke Bache Ne Taecher Se Poocha...

Class 2 Ke Bache Ne Taecher Se Poocha...
Hamari Umar Ke Bacho ko Bacha Ho Sakta Hai
TEACHER: NO
Boy to Girl: Tu Aise Hi Gabra Rehi Hai.. :-)

Do Dost Red Light Area Gaye.

Do Dost Red Light Area Gaye.
1 Dost Call Girl Ke Room Mein Gaya,
Bahar Aa Kar Bola, Is Se Aachi Ton Meri Wife Hai.
Phir 2 Dost Call Girl Ke Room Mein Gaya,
Bahar Aa Kar Bola, Ha Yaar Is Se Aachi Ton
Teri Wife hi Hai ;)

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay
saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?
Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki
tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega…

Santa knocks the door

Santa knocks the door
.
Banta:”kaun hai ??
.
Santa:”mai hoon
.
Banta:”mai kaun ??
.
.
.
.
.
Santa:
“le abe pagal khud ko hi bhool gaya tu banta…

Jab Koi Sms Ni Krta.

Jab Koi Sms Ni Krta.
Itna Gussa Ata H.
Dil To Chahta H,
.
.
.
Chapal Utar K
.
.
.
Aram Se Baith Jau Or
Sochu Sayad Bhejna Nhi Ata Hoga.

Light jane k baad candle leke pappu toilet ja rahatha

Light jane k baad candle leke pappu toilet ja rahatha
kai kambakhat phook marke keh gaya
Happy birthday 2 u
Batao yaar Emergency ke wqt bhi mazak

1PagaL Aaina Dekh K Sochne Laga

1PagaL Aaina Dekh K Sochne Laga
Esko Kahi Dekha H
Thodi Der Sochne K Baad
“O Teri ” Ye To Wohi H
.
.
Jo Mere Sath Us din BaaL Ktwa Raha Tha

Biwiya

Biwiya
aati hai HEER ki tarah.
Lagti hai KHEER ki tarah.
Phir chubhti hain TEER ki tarah.
Aur aakhir mein Halaat
Kar deti hai FAKEER ki
tarah…

Husband:rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi,

Husband:rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere age
kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,
Wife:Kaun si movie thi?
Husband:Apni shadi ki

Man was fucking Nurse.

Man was fucking Nurse.
Nurse chilayee dard ho ra hey.
Man:Bhenchod khud wahan injection Lagati hai
Jahan sorakh hi nahi
aur tujhe sorakh me dard ho raha hey

Bus Mein Jaghe Na Hone Par, Ek Budhe Ne Ek Ladki Ko Kaha

Bus Mein Jaghe Na Hone Par, Ek Budhe Ne Ek Ladki Ko Kaha
Uncle: “Beta Aao Meri Godh Mein Beth Jao”
Ladki: “Yeh Lo Uncle Ji”
Aur Ladki Godh Mein beth Gayi, Thodi Der Baad Ladki Jhatke Se Uthi Or Boli
Ladki: “Uncle Ya Toh Uss Ko Bitha Lo Ya Fir Mujh Ko“

A naked lady goes to Banta's bar

A naked lady goes to Banta's bar, asks for a peg. Banta stares at her. Lady said, "Never seen a nude woman?"
Banta replied, "Nahi main soch raha hoon, tu paise kaha se nikalegi." , asks for a peg. Banta stares at her. Lady said, "Never seen a nude woman?"
Banta replied, "Nahi main soch raha hoon, tu paise kaha se nikalegi."

Sardar Ko Ladies Garments Shop Mein

Sardar Ko Ladies Garments Shop Mein Salesman Ki Naukri Mili.
Ek Ladki Aayi Aur Kaha:Underwear Dikhao.
Sardar(Sharmate Hue):Aaj Nahi Pehna

Baccha: Madam,Jalta hua balb

Madam: kya cheej muh mein nahi leni chahiye
Baccha: Madam,Jalta hua balb
Madam: kyun?
Baccha: Kal raat mummy papa se kah rahi thi ki
bulb bhuja do to mai  muh mein lungi

Shadi ke doran ladki boli -

Shadi ke doran ladki boli -
Suno ji
ajj se AAPKE bina mai nahi
aur MERE bina aap nahi.
4 Saal baad wohi bivi:
kutte! Ruk ja!
Aaj yaaa tu nahi ya mein nahi!

Wife (Aasman Me Taare Dekhte Hue):

Wife (Aasman Me Taare Dekhte Hue):
Batao Woh Kaunsi Chiz Hai
Jo Tum Roz Dekh Sakte Ho
Par Laa Nahi Sakte?
Husband: Main Nahi Bataunga.
Wfe: Bolo Naa Plz.
Hsbnd: "Hamari Padosan.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…Without Information Fighting Everytime! WIFE: No, it means – With Idiot for Ever

Wife to husband in the middle of the nigh

Wife to husband in the middle of the night: There’s a thief in the house eating the cake I made. Husband: Whom should I call? The police or the ambulance?

Pati Ghar Aya To Biwi Ne Ghabrate Hue Kaha

Pati Ghar Aya To Biwi Ne Ghabrate Hue Kaha
Biwi: Shukar Hai Aap Sahi Salaamat Ghar Waapis Aa Gaye
Pati Ne Hairan Hote Hue Puchha: Kyu, Kya Ho Gaya?
Biwi: Bahar Kuch Log Kah Rahe They Ki Koi Chutiya Daru Pee Ke Gatar Mein Gir Gaya Hai

Raat Bhar Sex Karne Ke Baad Ek Thaki Aurat

Raat Bhar Sex Karne Ke Baad Ek Thaki Aurat Subha Pados Ke Hakeem Ke Pass Gayi Aur Boli
Aurat: Hakeem Sahab, Mere Pati Ko Sex Ki Goli Tumne Di Thi Na?
Hakeem Khush Hote Hue: Haan
Aurat: To Sale, Biwi Bhi Fir Apni Hi Deni Thi Na

Santa: Meri wife mujhe naukar samajhne lagi hai

Santa: Meri wife mujhe naukar samajhne lagi hai
batao main kya karun?
Banta: Karna kya hai,
2-4 ghar aur pakad aur apna dhandha jama le.

Teri biwi mere kabze mein hai

Kidnapper phone par:
Teri biwi mere kabze mein hai.
saboot ke taur par uski do ungliyan bhijwa di hain.
Santa: Sabut pakka nahi hai, mundi bhej mundi..

Pappu Papa se Bola:

Pappu Papa se Bola:
Papa shadi ke liye kitne paise chukane padte hai?
Papa: Pata nahi.
main to abhi tak chuka raha hu.

Wife on Mobile: kaha ho aap?

Wife on Mobile: kaha ho aap?
Pati: Tumhe wo jwellry shop yaad hai jaha tumhe 1 diamond ka set bahut pasand aya tha,
par mere pas paise nahi they.
aur maine wada kiya tha 1 din dilwaunga.
Wife: Khush hote huye.. Ha ha mjhe sab yaad hai.
Pati: Ha to usi shop ke baju wali shop pe baal katwa raha hu.

Pagal Kuch Bhi Ker Sakta hai

Wife: If I die what will u do?

Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!

Wife: Will u marry again after I die?

Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai.

Dekha Hai Esa Jhagda Pahle Kabhi?

Ek Baar Santa  Or Uski Wife Mein Jhagda Ho Gaya.
Santa Apni Wife Se Jhagda Karte Hue Gusse Se Bola.
Santa: “Mera Dil Chahta Hai, Ke Mein Tera Khoon Pee Jao.”
Wife: “Toh Pehle Batana Tha Na, Ab To Periods Bhi Khatam Ho Gaye Hai.“

Patni With The Feeling Of ---

Ek Patni Apne Pati Se Puchti Hai: “Suno Ji In Kutton Ko Kaise Pata Chalta Hai Ki Kutiya Ka Mann Ker Raha Hai?”
Pati: “Unhe Soongh Kar Pata Chalta Hai”

Patni Gusse Se Boli: “To Bhonsdi Ke Tujhe Jukaam Hai Kya?“

Arz kiya hai..

.
.

Humne bhi apni duniya basa li..

.
.
.

Usne dokha diya.. to uski choti behan phasa li.. :-P

SHRABI:" Agar mere hath me SARKAR ho to me DESH ki takdir badal dunga..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
WIFE:" HAramkhor ­ pehle apna pajama to badal le, subah se meri SALVAR pehan k ghum raha hai...

Made For Each Other Song

Sex Karte Hue Biwi Ko Shaq Hua Ki
Bacha Jaag Raha Hai,
Biwi Ne Husband Ko Bola To Usne
Bache Ko Doosre Kamre Mein Lita
Diya,
Sex Karne Ke Baad Jab Husband
Vapis Bache Ko Lene Gaya To Dekha
Ki Bachha Mutth Mar Raha Hai
Husband Gusse Se: “ Oyee, Ye Kya
Kar Raha Hai Tu? ”
Bachha Guuse Se Bola: “ Apna Kaam
Apne Haath Se Kar Raha Hu, Apni
Khushi Ke Liye Kisi Ki Maa Nahi
Chod Raha.

Husband ko Market Jaate hue Wife ne paise dekar kaha: Kuchh Aisi Cheez Laana jis se main SUNDAR Dikhu...

Husband khud ke Liye Whisky ki 2 Bottle Le Aaya !!

Girl to Boy -
.
Girl :- Chand kahan hai ??
.
Boy :- Chand 2 Hain ek
Chanda mama Aur dusri tum .
.
Girl - Awww how
Sweet .
.
AFTER MARRIAGE. .
.
Wife :- Chand kahan
hai.....??
.
.
Husband - Andhi hai
kya.....??
Wo upar kya tera Baap CFL lekar betha hai...??

Wife: Look At that drunker.
Husband: Who is he ?
Wife: 10yrs back he proposed me I rejected him
Husband: Oh my god, he is still celebrating...!

Kaamwali ne pagaar badhane ke liye
kaha.
Lady: "Kyo badhaau?"
Kaamwali: "Bibiji, 3 reasons hai.
1st, mai aap se behtar kapde press karti
hu."
Lady: "Ye kaun bola?"
Kaamwali: "Saahab bole.
2nd reason, mai aap se behtar khana
banaati hu."
Lady: "Ye kaun bola?"
Kaamwali: "Saahab bole.
Aur
3rd reason ye ki SEX me aap se jyada
maja deti hu."
Lady (gusse me chilla ke): "Kya ye bhi
Saahab bole?"
Kaamwali: "Nahi bibiji, ye baat to aap ka
driver bola".. =)).
Lady: kitni pagaar chahiye bolo.. ???

Sohar 1st night: Tm ny kbi koi gndi film dakhi h?
wife: Han
sohar: Bas ham ne phr wise hi krna hay
Wife:To baqi 2 larkay tm bulao gay ya ma cal kron?

Wife : Where did you get these lipstick spots ?
Husband : I am amazed myself where how I got these spots ?
I was not wearing shirt at that time

Wife to Husband : I am the book of your life …
Husband : This is what I regret…
If you were a calender then could have changed one every year !

Wife Saw Sign Board:
Nylon Saree
Rs.8/-
Cotton Saree
Rs.5/-
Banarsi Saree
Rs.10/-
Wife: Give me Rs.500 I’ll buy 50 Sarees.
Husband: You dumbo.. its a laundry shop ..!

How men feels while driving with Wife??

A woman was preparing eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!

Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.


TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!

We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going 2 STICK !Careful.. !

CAREFUL!

I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!

Never! Turn them!

Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?

Have you LOST your mind?

Don't forget to salt them.

You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT!
THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him.

"What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." :P :D

Shaadi nahi aasaan bus itna samajh lijiye…
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k intox ki goli hai aur choos k khani hai.
Dedicated 2 all unmarried boyz & girlz…

Punjabi Husband 'n Wife fighting by Gudo

एक बार एक प्रेमी जोड़े की आपस में शादी हो जाती है तो शादी के कईं साल बाद एक दिन अचानक अपने पति से पूछती है, " सुनो जी, क्या तुम आज भी मुझे उतना ही प्यार करते हो जितना शादी से पहले करते थे?"

पति: हाँ हाँ जानू?

पत्नी: तो फिर जैसे शादी से पहले आप मेरे लिए रोज गिफ्ट लाते थे, अब क्यों नहीं लाते?

पति: कभी तुमने किसी मछुआरे को मछली पकड़ने के बाद उसे दाना डालते हुए देखा है?

पत्नी से मंदिर के बाहर पति बोला,"तुम यहीं रुक जाओ मैं दर्शन कर के आ जाता हूँ"।

पत्नी: क्यों? मुझे भी दर्शन करने हैं मैं भी आउंगी।

पति: अरे वो तो ठीक है पर मंदिर का भी कोई नियम कायदा है।

पत्नी: अच्छा वो कौनसा कायदा है जो मेरे मंदिर जाने पर पाबंदी लगाता है?

पति: वो देखो सामने बोर्ड पे साफ़ साफ़ लिखा हुआ है कि विस्फोटक सामग्री को अन्दर ले जाना मना हैं, तो मैं तुम्हें कैसे ले जाऊ"।

पति: जब मैं सूट पहनकर सब्जी लेने जाता हूं, तो दुकानदार मुझे सब्जी महंगी देता है और जब मैं मैला कुर्ता-पाजामा पहनकर जाता हूं तो सब्जी सस्ती मिलती है।

पत्नी: तब तो तुम हाथ में कटोरा लेकर जाया करो सब्जी मुफ्त में मिल जाया करेगी।

पत्नी: सुनो जी अखबार में खबर है कि एक व्यक्ति ने अपनी पत्नी को बेच डाला ?

पति: ओह! कितने में?

पत्नी: एक साइकिल के बदले में, कहीं तुम भी तो ऐसा नहीं करोंगे।

पति: मैं इतना मूर्ख थोडे ही हूं, तुम्हारे बदले में तो कार आ सकती हैं।

Wife Photo

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'

Every wife is a 'Mistress' for her husband.

Every wife is a 'Mistress' for her husband.
'Miss' for one hour and 'Stress' for the 23 hours.

Wedding Blues Truth……

Wedding Blues Truth…….

 

A newly married saves his wife’s number on his mobile as “MY LIFE“;
 

After one year of marriage, it changes to “MY WIFE“;

After Five years of Marriage: “HOME”

after Ten Years “HITLER”
 

and after Silver Anniversary “WRONG NUMBER” …

One girl ask 2 pappu :

One girl ask 2 pappu : woh kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
pappu : legs
Girl : woh kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
pappu: paisay
Girl : woh kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
pappu: neend puri karte hain
girl : woh kia hai jo larki pehli daffa karwate huye pain
ki wajah se roti hai?
pappu : kaan main ched

Dr. k Band Clinic k aage lambi line thi

Dr. k Band Clinic k aage lambi line thi,
1 sardar bar- bar line me ghusta, log usko pakad k pichhe phenk dete,
sardar- Lage raho saalo, mai bhi clinic nahi kholunga.

Love aur arrange marrige me kia farq hai?

Love aur arrange marrige me kia farq hai?
Simple
Love marrige me ap apni girl friend se shadi krte hen..
Aur
Arange marrige me ksi or ki girlfriend se:)

Biwi Ko Khush Rakhne Ke 3 Tarike

Biwi Ko Khush Rakhne Ke 3 Tarike
1st – Roz Uski Leni Chahiye, (Khabar)
2nd – Roz Uske Dabane Chahiye, (Pair)
3rd – Roz Apna Khol Ke Uske Hath Mein Dena Chahiye, (Purse)
Kya soch rahe ho ? Jo soch rahe the wo bhi Karoge To Biwi Khush Hi Rahegi

Husband Ki Parisahi Biwi Ka Ghar Ana

Shaadi Ke 1 Saal Baad Humne Yeh Jaana…..
Ki Har Woh Pati Udaas Hai;
Jiski Biwi Lambi Chutti Ke Baad Maayke Se Wapas Aane Wali Hai.

BoyFriend Ki Masti

Ek Baar Ki Baat Hai, Ek Boyfriend Apni Girlfriend Ko Ek Restaurant Main Lekar Gaya.Uske Paas Paise Nahi The, Wo Apni Jeb Main Ek Coackroach Lekar Gaya, Aur Saara Khana Khane Ke Baad, Usne Soop Mangaya Aur Usme Coackroach Daal Diya, Aur Jor jor Se Chillane Laga,”Ye Kya Laga Rakha Hai, Customer Ko Zeher Khilate Ho” Manager Ne Request Ki, Please Shor Mat Machaiye Aur Saara Bil Maaf Ho Gaya.

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Agle Din Usne Ye Story Apne Ek Friend Ko Sunayi, Aur Uska Friend Bhi Uski Girlfriend Ko Lekar Usi Restaurant Main Gaya, Aur Jab Usne poora Khana khane Ke Baad Soop Order Kiya, To Reply Mila Ki Soop Ki Khatm Ho Gaya..

Pati Patni Or Pati Ka Dost

Ek baar ek husband ne apni wife ko uske dost ke sath ghumte dekh liya.
Usne aav dekha na taav us dost ko jaan se maar diya.
Wife ne ye dekha aur gusse se boli..
Wife: “Tum Apne Is Gusse Ke Karan Apne Saare DoSto Se Haath Dho Bethoge”

Patni Ka Shak Apne Pati Per

Wife: “Mujhe Lagta Hai Aap Ka Neha Ke Sath Najayaz Sambadh Hai.”
Husband Hairani Se: “Yeh Tum Kaise Keh Sakti Ho.”

Wife: “Kal Jab Uske Husband Mujhe Milne Aaye To Us Ne App Ka Underwear Pehan Rakha Tha.“

Husband And Wife

Kanjoos boss 2 worker:

Kanjoos boss 2 worker:
Tumne is saal mehnat se kaam kia hai, is liye 5000 ka bonus cheque de raha hoon.
Agar isi tarha kaam karoge to agle saal is pe sign bhi kar dunga.

Girls Parents

Ladki ka baap : Main nahi chahata ki meri ladki apni poori zindagi ek gadhe ke saath guzaare.
Ladki ka Boyfriend : Bus isiliye to main usse shaadi kar ke yahan se le jaana chahata hoon.

Maalik and noker

Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?
Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.

Santa In Police Station

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha ha ha!
Police: Kyu hass rahe ho?
Sardar: Main toh subah 8 baje tak sota hoon!

Man Fight His Wife In Train

Train mai aik husband apni wife say:
tujh say shadi ker k pachta raha hun
dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun
samnay wala passenger:wao wao wao wao!!!…

Santa Banta

Santa: Achhi aur Buri biwi mein kya farq hai?
Banta: Kya matlab? Biwiyaan achhi bhi hoti hai kya?

Pyaar ke side- effects!!

Dog & mosquito were in love!
1 day Mosquito gave love-bite to dog!
Dog got emotional & bite Mosquito!
Next day,
Mosquito died of Rabies & Dog died of Malaria!!
Pyaar ke side- effects!!

Valentine Day

Wife Thinks Good

LOL

nice thinking of women

Wow Funny

Husband Wife

Aurate Bhi Bhagwan Ki Banayi Ek Aisi Cheez Hai Jise Aajtak Koi Samajh Nahi Paaya

Aurate Bhi Bhagwan Ki Banayi Ek Aisi Cheez Hai Jise Aajtak Koi Samajh Nahi Paaya
Phir Bhi Hamare Baba Saxidas Ji Ne Unke Bare Mein Kuch Research Kari Aur Kuch Kaam Ki Baatein Khoj Nikali Hai
1. Wo Bachat Mein Vishwaas Rakhti Hai.
2. Phir Bhi Wo Bazaar Se Sabse Mehenge Kapde Khareedti Hai.
3. Hamesha Mehenge Kapde Khareedti Hai Lekin Unke Paas Pahan Ne Ke Liye Kuch Nahi Hota.
4. Waise To Pati Se Ye Kahati Hai Ke Pahan Ne Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Nahi Hai Lekin Phir Bhi Tyaar Hone Ke Liye Ghanton Lagati Hai.
5. Ghanton Laga Kar Tyaar Hoti Hai Phir Bhi Santushat Nahi Hoti.
6. Khud Apne Aap Se Santushat Nahi Hoti Hai Aur Chahati Hai Ke Pati Unki Tareefein Kare.
7. Yun To Umeed Karti Hai Ki Pati Tareef Kare, Lekin Jab Wo Tareef Karte Hai To Yakeen Nahi Karti Aur Muh Fula Leti Hai.

cool wife

Shaadi ke baad doosre din ladki apni dadi se: Meri unse ladaai ho gayi. Dadi: Shaadi mein jhagde hote hi rehte hai. Ladki: Wo to theek hai par laash ka kya karu

Pyar b ajab shay he

Pyar b ajab shay he 


Maa se payar hota hai to Ebadat 
Baap se payar hota hai  to Muqadas 
Bhai se payar hota hai  to Aqidat 
Didi  se payar hota hai ho to Farz 
& 
Wife  se payar  hota hai  to 
sab kehte hen k SALA BIWI ka GHULAM H     hain

Husband Mental

Husband:  Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein pagal ho jaaunga. 


Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey na ? 


Husband:  Pagal ka kya hai, o kuch bhi kar sakta hai

easy wife

Pati:-mere mrne ke baad tumhe mere jaisa doosra aadmi nahin milega. 
Patni:- tumhe kisne keh diya, ki main doosra aadmi tumhare jaisa chahti hoon.

funny wife

Patni: -suno ji,aapko mujhme kya achcha lagta hai. meri samajhdari ya meri beauty. 
pati: -mujhe to tumhari ye mazak karne ki aadat bahot pasand hai

sweet wife

patni: “Aapne pichle saal salgireh pe mujhe lohay ka bed diya tha, Iss baar aapka kya iraada hai?” 
pati: “Iss saal uss mein current chorne ka iraada hai.

Pati Patni

Patni:- main tumse jo kuch bhi kahti hu tum ek kaan se sunkar doosre se nikaal dete ho. 
Pati:-aur main tumse kuch bhi kahta hu to tum dono kaan se sunkar muh se nikaal deti ho.

Boy Happiness beyond

1 Boy ki engagement 1 boht Khubsurat Ladki se hui.

Wo Ladka us ladki se kabhi nahi mila tha.

Na kabhi us se baat hui thi Bas sab logo se uski khubsurti ki tareef hi suni thi.

Shaadi k baad ladka us ka ghoonghat utha kr bola

Tum wakai bohut khubsurat ho, Tumhe kya gift karoo

Ladki sharmati hui boli "Do aap taa Dill Taley"

MORAL:- Kam se kam ek call toh kar leni chahiye thi

शादी करने की वजह

एक महिला (दूसरी से) – “तुमने आखिर क्या देखकर अपने नौकर से शादी कर ली ?”

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दूसरी – “दरअसल वह बहुत बदतमीज़ हो गया था और मैं उसे सबक सिखाना चाहती थी … !

Define the Marriage

Defintion Of Arrange-Marriag­e:

"Bika Hua MaaL Wapis Nahi Hoga" .

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Defintion Of Love-Marriage:-­

"PehLe IstemaL Kre fir Vishwas Kre.!"

Wife Ka Bhutha Baan Daoo Mai

WIFE(seeing stars)- Btao

wo konc Chiz h jo tum Roz Dekh Skte hopr Tod nhi skte?

HUSBAND- Mai nhi btaunga.

WIFE- Bolo na plz.

HUBY- Tera MUH.. xD

Husband Wife On Dinning Table

Wife- shadi k shuru me jb mai khana banati thi to aap mujhe jyada khilate the aur khud kam khate the par ab aisa kyu nhi?
Husband- q ki ab tumhe khana banana aa gya hai.......

Ek aadmi ne conductor se pucha: Aap kitne ghante bus me rehte ho?
Jawab : 24 hours. Wo kaise?
Jawab Mila : 8 ghante city bus me, baaki 16 ghante biwi ke “BASME” !

Ha Ha Funny

Wife to Husband: Suppose karo ki I start understanding you from now.!!!

Husband: (hastey hastey zameen par gir Gaya) mere se to 'Suppose' bhi nahi ho raha ..

Husband Bring A Small Come For His Wife

Husband romantic andaz main apni wife se:
Jaan dekho main tumhari zulfon ke liye kia laya hun.
Wife: kya?
Husband: Bareek kangi..

Husband Watching His Marriage Movie

Husband:rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere aage
kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,
Wife:Kaun si movie thi?
Husband:Apni shadi ki

Husband Wife With Nice Meal

Husband wife mein ladai ho gayi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya ,
Husb:Rat ko phone pay,”Khanay mein kya hai”
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Mai dair se aoonga, tum kha kar so jana:

Husband Wife

Husband asked”Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?”
Wife:”Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!”
Husband:”Bakri se hi poch raha hon”

Husband With The Photo Of Horse

Wife: I found a paper in your pocket
with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week
and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

Husband Wife In Hotel

Husband Aur Wife Hotel Me Gaye Tabhi 1 Lady Ne
Hello Kiya,
Wife- Koun Thi Wo?
Hus-Tum Dimag Kharab Mat Karo, Main Pehle Hi Pareshan Hu Ki Woh Bhi Yehi Puchegi